Monday, March 10, 2014

Urulian Kandila?

IThere are times when I think about how much I've disappointed myself, my family and the ones close to me. From my studies to some personal choices, I think it will fill a long list. Thinking about it makes me sad. 

There are also times when I think of the people who became such a disappointment to me, especially those who I used to call friends. Honestly, I've never had much fallouts with friends. It must be because I'm a good friend or my friends are kind enough to understand and accept my imperfections. It's stupid really, that these so called friends can't rise above petty misunderstandings but I guess that's how things are. 

I was a stranger in a strange place. I was vulnerable. Maybe I was too quick to accept them into my life. Maybe it was wrong to think that they considered me as a friend. Maybe I wasn't supposed to trust them at all. 

Now, as much as I don't want to, I feel resentment towards them. I feel betrayed. Sometimes I feel I hate them even. :(

I was and will never be perfect. I might have said some hurtful things. But I genuinely cared for a time. 

I never saw this coming. I don't know if it will still be mended. For now, I'm sad and hurt. Only time will tell. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

You Raise Me Up

Lately, I've been having troublesome thoughts and had nightmares for consecutive days. I don't understand why I feel this way. But thank you so much Papa God for making me feel your presence all the time, especially when I'm in distress. I love you Papa God.

In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.
~Isaiah 30:15
 Thank you again Papa God for directing my eyes to this this morning.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013


Only a year short for us to be married for a decade. There were times that I doubted we're ever gonna reach this far but we did. And I thank God for that. Cheers for another year of togetherness and many more to come! 

I love you always, my Sweetie. 

Sunday, June 16, 2013


I remember vividly when my dad gave me to my husband on my wedding day. It was one of the most emotional days in my life. There were mixed emotions. When I looked into my father's eyes, I saw a father's sadness because he was finally giving away his daughter to another hero in her life. Several times, he asked me if I was sure that day. I said absolutely. But at the back of my mind, I was so sad and afraid. That feeling changed when I saw the man waiting for me at the altar. When I looked at him, I thought to myself, I love him. It made me happy. After that, I looked at my father again. He was happy for me too. It was then I realized, everything was alright. 

Then my husband also became a father, just like my dad. Today is their day, as with all fathers out there. 

Happy Fathers' Day Papa and Sweetie! 

Thursday, June 13, 2013


I suddenly remember the feeling of not wanting to be so happy because something bad will happen after. I hate it.